


5 Personality Traits That Might Make You a Slytherin

by sarcasticsra



Series: After Hours Ficlets [1]
Category: Cracked.com, Cracked: After Hours
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-24
Updated: 2014-08-24
Packaged: 2018-02-14 13:52:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2194191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarcasticsra/pseuds/sarcasticsra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“That’s the most pointless conversation ever—it’s all completely obvious,” says Soren. “You’re a Hufflepuff, Katie’s a Ravenclaw, Michael’s—”</p><p>“A classic Gryffindor,” cuts in Dan, and it’s weirdly defiant, the way he’s looking at Soren right now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	5 Personality Traits That Might Make You a Slytherin

**Author's Note:**

> So... apparently they've just taken over my brain now. Good times.

“We should Sort ourselves,” Dan announces to the table suddenly, then immediately amends that with, “Or, no, actually, we should Sort each other.”

“Since when do you suggest Harry Potter-related topics?” Katie asks, frowning.

“Also, that’s the most pointless conversation ever—it’s all completely obvious,” says Soren. “You’re a Hufflepuff, Katie’s a Ravenclaw, Michael’s—”

“A classic Gryffindor,” cuts in Dan, and it’s weirdly defiant, the way he’s looking at Soren right now. 

Soren stares at him. “See, I know there’s no way you can actually be serious, and yet—”

“And _you_ are obviously a Slytherin,” Dan continues, and Katie raises her eyebrows.

This could be good. She definitely wants to see where this is going.

“I’m intrigued,” she says, while Soren settles on his best ‘outraged’ face. “Do tell, Daniel. Do tell.”

“Well, Michael’s easy—”

“True,” says Michael, immediately. “Wait, did you mean that in a sex way? I meant it in a sex way.”

“No. God, no. I mean—you’re impulsive, you jump into things without thinking, you prefer action to planning or strategizing—”

“So do I!” Soren bursts out. “No, you are not actually doing this. Is this about last night, because I _told you_ it wasn’t a big deal, I barely even _noticed_ , what more do you need to—”

“You’re ambitious,” Dan says. “You’re sly, you’re cunning. You don’t jump into things without thinking at _all_ , you’re always thinking, you’re always weighing your options—quickly, sure, but there’s still a lot of consideration there. You’re charismatic, but _totally_ in a ‘could lead a cult’ sort of way, and your loyalty is absolute—but _selective_ , much more selective than Gryffindors are known for. If you’re a Gryffindor, you’re, like, Peter Pettigrew or something. ”

“You take that back,” Soren says through gritted teeth, gripping his fork tightly enough to turn his knuckles white.

“This is the weirdest lover’s spat I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen _us_ ,” Katie tells Michael.

“Are they about to make out?” Michael asks. “I feel like they’re about to make out.”

“Could go either way at this point,” she says.

“Face it, Soren. You’re totally a Slytherin. You just don’t want to admit it.”

“No, I’m not, and you know why? Because the whole _point_ of the _entire series_ is that _your choices matter_ , more than _anything else_ , and I _choose_ to be a Gryffindor, just like I’ve _chosen_ to be with you. And that’s true no matter who else might happen to flirt with me, because I like _you_ , you self-righteous, insecure, passive-aggressive _Hufflepuff_.”

“Three, two, one…” mutters Katie.

Dan moves first, and, yep, that’s one hell of a kiss. That could easily slide into ‘making out’ territory. She’s guessing it won’t take long at all, probably.

“So do you think you’re a Gryffindor?” Katie asks Michael.

“I’m in my own House,” he says. “It’s way cooler than all the others put together. Our mascot’s a dragon riding a motorcycle.”

She frowns. “Isn’t that kind of redundant?”

“Probably, but that’s what makes it cool.”


End file.
